Ramblings of a Social Outcast

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

There is a lady all in white...

Holds me and sings a lullaby
She's nice to see, and she's soft to touch
She says: 'Cosette I love you very much.'
-Les Miserables

Have I mentioned that my mother may be dead? When I was younger, I worked very hard at finding my first mother. Sadly the agency said she has disappeared.

I think on her often. Is she alive? If so, is she happy? Does she miss me or hate my memory? Was she forced to relinquish me? If she wasn't, what was the situation that caused her to place me?

For these questions, I have no answers.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Other Mother.

We found my brother J's mother! I'm so happy for him. He has an older brother who remembers him and a sister a year older than A(my little sister). His mother has done very well. She's a SAHM. The whole family is supposed to come up for graduation in June. I'm frighted, yet exited. What if they don't like my family? My house? Me?

Yet, I wonder... If R had the support she has now, we she had my brother, would she have felt the need to place? Could she have kept her baby?

My brother stayed with her for the first month of his life, while she discussed things with her minister. I know this is a much longer period of time than what most mothers have, but I wonder if he urged her to place. He flew with her to Boston when she took my brother to the agency. I wonder if he was urging her to place all the while?